Freedom Trail Mixes of Boston

2006-09-19T16:28:00.000-07:00

High or no, I think it's safe to say we all give the Stein a general "Fuck You."

2006-09-03T19:25:00.000-07:00

Rating due to some minor violence and Dairy Content.

It may not have been mentioned before, but should be, vehemently, because of the severe addiction of all suite members (and others) to this specific product, but Utz Cheese Balls are, simply put, the Bomb Diggity.

2006-07-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

the food choices here are obvious. need i say more? this was a few weeks ago. i was pretty happy about the whole situation.

2006-07-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

POLLOMOTHERFUCKING tropical.

1. no one speaks english.
2. no one speaks spanish--chrissakes.
3. everyone is medicated or pregnant or both.
4. everyone loves fried plantains.

tonight i walked in and the first thing they said to me was "we don't got chicken."

thank goodness for the culinary goodness of black beans and rice, and vegetarianism. "i don't need chicken tonight, thanks."

savory sweetness
christ i can't write this right now

2006-06-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

Eat. Pears. Now.

i have to admit i'm not going to insert our little pre-designed pot leaves (although we thank vozick for her time and creativity) and i hope that this mishap doesn't cross too many guidelines (but the premise of this site is aligned with stoner tendancies and i believe that encourages both fucking with the system, and then immediately turning around and fucking with the intricate system that you created yourself to fuck with the original system.), but what i need to say is important and i've intended to write these very lines for months...

pears,

pears,

MOTHERFUCKING PEARS.

2006-04-05T10:44:00.000-07:00

Stacy’s Pita Chips: Cinnamon Sugar

4.3/5

If a tasty, crispy, sweet-but-not-too-sweet snack is what you’re after, look no further than this fine piece of pita bliss. Like a sexual predator who turns out to maybe not be so bad after all, these chips will caress both your weedy chops and your soul, unbidden – but you’ll like it, bitch, so take it. For even after consuming an entire bag noisily and uncoordinatedly at a meeting where people are talking about human rights and shit, regret is never ever a part of the Cinnamon Sugar Pita Eating Experience. So let the chip make love to you, again and again. Revel in the spicy sweet rapture; lose yourself in the gratifying crunch; jam your grimy paws into that empty bag for any crumby remains and then lick the latent sugar off your digits unashamedly. You won’t be sorry. A word to the wise though: if quiet inconspicuousness is what you’re after, then these chips are probably not for you: for just one taste will turn you into the jabbering, slobbering high moron your grandma always feared you’d become. This is a trivial downside though, as the emotional and physical splendor you’ll be experiencing while hitting these ambrosial chips will far outweigh whatever scorn grandma has to dole out. So fuck that bitch, and her morals. You’ve got us – and Ja – on your side.

2006-03-31T15:27:00.000-08:00

Freedom Trail Mixes of Boston: Tutti Fruiti / Welcome

Welcome, plebs, to Freedom Trail Mixes of Boston: your authority for high culinary appraisals. Basically, there is a devastating disproportion in this country between the number of high food critics and the number of people who enjoy becoming rip-roaringly high and then eating things. Our aim is to bridge that gap. Here, then, is our first post. Enjoy.

2/5
Though tempting in its multi-colored, multi-fruited splendor, that is largely where the pleasure stops when it comes to this overly tangy, strangely saccharine trail mix. The papaya is too sweet, the pineapple too tart, and the banana leaves much to be desired, crunch-wise. Where the shredded coconut should have teased, it taunted; the raisins were hard like the way I am when it comes to how we defend ourselves against dirty brown terrorists. Bottom line: read the title, think of us, and move on to bigger and better mixes.